Dinner is ready, honey...
Sunday, April 18, 2010 at 10:10PM Motherhood changes everything about your life. You can be told one hundred different times in equally different ways and you'll still be shocked when your turn comes. During pregnancy, I imagined life on "the other side" would be easier. With the cumbersome belly gone and all the pressures of big client work off my back I'd be able to concentrate on fine art, sitting down to illustrate a children's book that I'd have time to write and finally being able to work on some stationary designs. I was giving myself a "year-off", my own self-made Canadian maternity leave, just like "everyone else" who wasn't a freelancer and had real employers who made them pay EI. The house would be spotless. Dinner would be ready (and nutritious, delicious and piping hot might I add). I even remember telling my husband that when the baby came, giving me relentless hours of free time, he should expect to never cook or clean again. What a beautiful, ridiculous dream I was living in.
I am blown away by amazing women such as Rachelle Anne Miller, Gina Perry, Holli Conger and Heather Castles who really seem to make being a stay-at-home illustrator/mom so effortless (even though I know it's not). Every day has it's challenges. At first I didn't even know if I'd get around to having a shower, let alone figuring out if I'd be able to get to the dust bunnies. These days the house is pretty clean, the bed is made and supper is for the most part on the table. The studio, however, is getting dusty. Or maybe I'm just starting to get rusty. Instead of picking up the sketchbook when Dexter hits the hay I find myself wilting on the couch with a bag of chips in my hand watching Supernatural or Modern Family. Maybe I'm still exhausted from my mom's surgery or maybe it's the lack of having a full nights sleep for over a year? I took a short visit to my friend, Amanda Woodward's studio and had a little pang of longing when I saw her working on a children's book. The beautiful sketches for her current project were so beautiful, fun and thoughtful. I'm pondering how to find balance in my life, how to carve out more time for my career. I miss it.
Also found time to see the AGA or Art Gallery of Alberta and a little coffee at the Three Banana's Café afterward without Dexter. Loved the exhibitions. Here's a little snapshot of the building, which I completely adore!
And the first photo of me without Dexter since he was born!
Reader Comments (2)
Crystal, I could have written this post myself! I am feeling the exact same way. It's so hard to feel motivated to work in the evenings when all you want to do is collapse from a tiring day with your toddler! I think I was more motivated at first when things were fresh and new but a year and a half later, I miss free time, my hubby, and different hobbies... it starts to catch up with you after a while. It's so hard to juggle everything. Are you actively seeking new work? I'm just laying low and accepting projects that come my way but not looking for too much so I can relax a bit more.. especially now that summer is almost here! FInancially it's not ideal, but my sanity thanks me!
Hey Crystal! Hee hee, thanks for the call out as a fellow mommy illustrator... I agree with Rachel's comment! And now that my daugher's reached the terrible two's, her reliable two hour afternoon nap has disappeared and so has my drawing time. I just remind myself that this time with my daughter only comes around once, and down the track I may be able to have time to paint again more seriously. But I hear ya, there's nothing graceful about being a mum and working at home, dust bunnies gather and meals have to be nuked in the microwave at times!